“Yet somewhere in my Cinderella mindset, I always fancied myself in a pumpkin carriage, being cared for like my cave-dwelling fore mothers. Protect me from that T-Rex and I’m yours forever.”

self esteem concept


While I’ve used neuroscience, subconscious programming and quantum physics in my own life with repeated success, I would be lying if I said it was always easy. One of the biggest obstacles I had to overcome was the same one that most everyone deals with, especially women in sales. And since I work with women in real estate–as well being one– I come across it on a daily basis. Most people would be amazed at how even the most seemingly successful person can question her own sense of worth.  But let us review.

Clearly, this isn’t a “boys against girls post,” but rather an acknowledgement that some women have an old program installed in their brains that tells them they may not be good enough to ________ (fill in the blank, and “sell” is one of the answers, among many others). Having studied personal performance and human behavior for well over 20 years now, two things have become pretty clear to me. 1) Women have not been (traditionally speaking, so don’t send me hate mail) reared to be assertive in sales, and 2) they can excel at anything once they re-wire their brains and rid themselves of old programs that no longer serve them.

Let’s take the first one. This is no one’s fault, so let’s not get carried away with blame. In fact, it’s really more a matter of Darwinian thinking: survival of the fittest. I mean, seriously, imagine this scene: a nice pre-historic family (think Flinstones without a pet dinosaur) sitting around the fire in their own little cave. Wife says,”Yo,  saw some T-rex poop out there,” she grabs her club, tosses the infant to her neanderthal roomie and jets out to kick some reptile ass. Um, no.

Of course, we can go even further back if you want and discuss the fact that she was the one whose body the infant grew in, but that makes this more of a biology lesson than one on self-esteem, right? My point here is simply that by nature, women were designed (with the help of their male counterpart) to reproduce life. And then of course, that life had to be nurtured. And duh, someone had to go out and gather the food, protect the cave and start the fires. You see? This was all done by design, so how could anyone argue OR get mad? It’s in our neural networks and DNA.

But fast forward a couple thousand years. Now we have technology, day care, college and a whole host of other elements that have leveled the playing field. Personally, I have sold houses to families where the man stayed home to care for the kids while the wife went out and killed tigers…um no, I mean pursued a career. Oh, and men can now get pregnancy leave! So clearly times have changed and everyone can do anything, for the most part. Sadly though, the old programs of many centuries that says, “women cannot handle things as well as men,” is stuck in many a craw. Maybe mostly female craws. Egad! 

Because that program, or some derivident of it, continues to plague many women, their self-esteem when it comes to sales success can really takes a beating. I’m not going to lie. I grew up with a very strong mother who worked while my father drank. She demonstrated all things that should have convinced me I could be Wonder Woman if I wanted to be. She started working at age 16, made bad choices in men, and eventually become a top producing agent nonetheless. Yet somewhere in my Cinderella mindset, I always fancied myself in a pumpkin carriage, being cared for like my cave-dwelling fore mothers. Protect me from that T-Rex and I’m yours forever.

The second component I mentioned is the fact that all women, in real estate or otherwise, can change their brains for success. Self-esteem can soar and so can sales success once an individual claims her power through re-wiring her brain to change that past programming. I have studied,  interviewed and coached top producing women in real estate for years. Many years. And one thing I can tell you is not one of them–or EVERYONE I know of (either gender)–hasn’t had their more than fair share of self-esteem issues. To break these barriers does not need to take a lifetime, or even a year, for that matter (it takes 4-8 weeks to build a new neural pathway). However, the first step is in realizing where you are now and imagining where you want to be.

Next week I’m going to talk more about HOW to overcome and “fix” self-esteem issues, but I wanted to lay the groundwork here.  Subscribe to this blog if you haven’t already, and have an AMAZING week!

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***My mission is to bring more integrity-based mindfulness to the real estate industry (& the world!) through neuroscience and quantum physics. I coach women in real estate to embrace their power and kick some ass. New book coming soon!**