In the thousands of people I’ve talked to over the past pertaining to their own success, here is the question I most love to ask:
“What stands in the way of your success?”
The answers are always quite revealing. When the response is “other people (the economy, the government, my ex-husband, ad nauseam) then I know those people won’t likely go far up the food chain. However, those that say, “me,” make my heart sing with joy. Why is my heart singing, and who is Joy? What I really mean to say is that this is the difference between victim and victor. People who blame things outside of themselves for problems that result from inside their own head, are never going to go very far in life. Working with people in any arena–I’ve noted this as a major issue. We tend to look outside ourselves for solutions.
But quite Contraire’, those who recognize—on some level—that it’s likely their own doing that has somehow held them back, should win a merit award. Why? Because merit awards are cool. Oh, and BECAUSE when people assume full responsibility for their lots in life, they also claim control over the same. Do you see how one puts you in a power position and one leaves you like a limp little noodle blaming bad guys for your bank account? But even the smart ones often fall prey to what I call the Self-Sabotage Mirage.
If you want to know what self sabotage is, think Lindsay Lohan…Charlie Sheen…Winona Ryder…I actually would run out of blog space if I listed all the well-known celebrities, athletes and entertainers who had the world by the…um…you know, and then threw it all away with what seemed to the rest of the world—reckless abandonment. So what’s up with that?
The truth is, we ALL have what you can refer to as a subconscious success ceiling. It’s much worse than those popcorn ceilings in some of my listings too—and those are pretty bad. Anyway, this success ceiling tells you just how far you can go in the world based on your subconscious programming (and that is often harder to find then your Yahoo password—who uses Yahoo anymore anyway?). Let me give you an example.
You close a big transaction, yay you! But then you find yourself getting an IRS audit. Or, you meet the perfect mate, but drive him off by inviting him to pick his favorite china patterns on date two. Ah, what about attracting a beautiful business opportunity but then blowing it by a seemingly unrelated event? You know, forgot to fill up your car, set your alarm or pay the bill. Those are all evidence of self-sabotaging behavior that result from our silly ceiling telling us we’ve gone to high and need to take it down a notch. A prime example if from one of my favorite Will Ferrell films, Tallladega Nights. Watch this scene at Apple bees...it is classic self-sabotage 101. But what causes this?
In nearly two decades of subconscious studies (and personal performance, neuroscience & quantum physics), I think it really boils down to four primary causes that are responsible for the construction of those silly little ceilings. 1) Not feeling good enough. This is the underlying belief that you’re somehow less worthy than other people. You are fundamentally flawed in some way. 2) Not deserving enough. Maybe you were scolded for expressing a need or told something like, “money doesn’t grow on trees, kid.” You’ve learned to not ask because for what you want or need. And 3) You’re in the way. Be quiet, don’t steal the spotlight or toot your own horn. After all, no one likes a show off, right? Finally 4) Don’t leave me. This is the one where you are made to feel responsible for someone else and that if you make more than mommy or daddy, or succeed farther than little sister, you’re an utter disappointment. Lots of guilt on this ride. I imagine the celebrities I mentioned earlier hold a lot of this last one and the first one.
If any of those listed made your stomach turn just a little, then you know what I’m talking about. Let me point out one important thing. EVERYONE has a ceiling. Except maybe Tony Robbins. And we never badmouth Tony, thank you very much. But seriously, even celebrities, athletes, entertainers and top producing agents have a ceiling. Maybe it’s a lot taller than the one in your own skyscraper, but trust me, these people get coaching because they hit their head just the same.
Now keep in mind, no one is to blame for these misinterpreted messages—even people who might have been less than nice to begin with. The problem wasn’t them; the problem was that you assumed the meaning of the message made you bad, undeserving or selfish. You were none of those. You were a cute little kid doing what cute little kids do. Parents and care-takers and other authority figures, however, had their own issues to deal with and honestly, some said and did things that caused you to assume things about yourself that just weren’t true. hey are not true now. Stop that.
The secret to ceiling-busting starts with identifying where and when you hit your head. Start looking now, before you hit it so hard that Mommy needs to bring you a band-aid. Don’t let your unconscious beliefs about not being good enough hold you back from creating a life you love. There are plenty of resources out there for you. Go find them. You ARE good enough, you DO deserve your desires and you are NOT responsible for anyone’s happiness but you’re own. Now go be amazing.
***My mission is to bring more integrity-based mindfulness to the real estate industry (& the world!) through neuroscience and quantum physics. I coach real estate pros and entrepreneurs how to embrace their power and kick some ass***