Okay, don’t get too excited, because actually, I’m not the only one Tony invited on this Date with Destiny. Besides, as we all know, I’m very married and Tony is way too tall for me.  And anyway, Tony’s no cheap date. If I wanna hang out with him I’d need to invest five-grand. That’s about four-thousand-nine-hundred and ninety-nine dollars more than I spend on a normal date;  just ask my husband. Besides, while I’m a big fan of Tony Robbins, I prefer to spend one- on -one time with him in the car. We do a  lot of driving together and have some very deep, meaningful conversations. He repeats himself a lot, but that’s when I know it’s time to change to the next CD.

All that aside, I wanted to talk this week about motivation. Tony Robbins says that the two reasons we do things is either to avoid pain or to seek pleasure. So,  you can imagine when I got a letter from the IRS telling me they’d like to “check” on some of my expenses, I got a little nervous. First of all, I hate bookkeeping and haven’t filed taxes on time since the first moonwalk. Secondly, these expenses in question are from 2010. Helllloooo….I don’t even remember what I had for breakfast yesterday (wait a minute, what did I have for breakfast yesterday? No wonder I”m so hungry….).  I mean, 2010 was so three years ago. I don’t even want to think about how I was wearing my hair back then.

According to Tony though, I will put off my tax stuff so that I can avoid the pain of …NUMBERS…SPREAD SHEETS…CALCULATORS <mommy’s so scared right now, hold me tight little bear>, until the pain of the deadline (three days ago) is upon me. I find this pain-pleasure ideas so erotic interesting, that I thought I would come up with my own, personal list. And by the way, I think Tony would be most impressed with me and my list-making skills.

Things I Do to Avoid Pain

1. Drink wine

2. Hide from the mailman when bills come

3. Pretend I don’t speak English when the IRS calls

4. Tell the dentist he must have me confused with some other mouth

5. Operate on my own ankle (but only if I need to)
Things I Do to Seek Pleasure

1. Drink wine

2. Spy on the neighbors through the little hole in the fence

3. Lock the big red dog outside and laugh at her while she barks all day

4. Steal candy from small children (what? It’s bad for them…jeesh!)

5. Drop my mom off at Costco and tell her I’ll be back in June (hahaha,,,,and then don’t really show up)

It’s interesting to me that people will go to greater lengths to avoid pain then to seek pleasure. I mean, I guess it kind of makes sense, because after all, pain hurts. But then, isn’t it just a mind-set thing in the end? If I steer clear of doctors with needles because I hate doctors with needles, I’ve managed to avoid pain, right? But if I need a doctor with a needle (um, because of my heroin addiction), then where is that fine line between avoiding pain and seeking pleasure? What came first, the chicken or Tony Robbins? Good question.

Let’s take our typically horrific (do you like it when I use big words?) American diet and apply this pain/pleasure thing.

If I’m really craving a Nacho Taco (because those things ROCK HARD), I am Seeking Pleasure, right? Okay, but then, knowing that 9 out 10  dentists recommend Imodium after dining at the Big Bell, I want to Avoid the Pain of diarrhea.  And that’s not even mentioning how fattening the food-like taco is. So why don’t we try harder to avoid things that cause us pain, like bad bookkeeping, Taco Bell and Guy Fieri’s facial hair?

I think in the end that we just like Tacos and need to all listen to Tony Robbins. It hurts so good.


Speaking of funny. And, of Tony Robbins, check out my upcoming book, Secrets of a Spiritual Guru. It is COMPLETE FICTION….just because the main character drinks wine, likes Tony Robbins, sells houses and does yoga….it is a COMPLETE COINCIDENCE. Really.