Okay, let’s take a walk on the wild side. No wait, that’s not what I meant. Let’s really dive into fear and get down to the nitty gritty of what makes you run like a little girl when you come across a prospect that asks you a question (or, are too afraid to call on people who might want to try your products or marry your children…hey, I’ve been there).

         It’s been said that there are only two emotions we experience. That includes the entire universe and parts of New Jersey. While most of us automatically assume the opposite of love is hate, in reality it’s fear. We all know that there’s a very thin line between love and hate anyway, right? Just ask the girl who wore the handcuffs in Fifty Shades of Whatever. Fear though, is anything that is not love. So if you want to really dig in there, then get a shovel and start in my backyard where I keep the rest of my readers who ask too many questions. Otherwise, just trust me on this. I will cite impressive college studies and expert author references when I damn well feel like it.

So how can fear eff up our efforts to find success? Let me count the ways! One, two, three, four, six (so much better at my abc’s). In my real estate practice class, I require a great deal of role playing. Not because it’s useful, but because I like to torture my students. Just kidding—why do you always take things so seriously? I have them do role playing so that they begin to learn to communicate with clients. I tell them that it’s much easier to mess up on what they say in the classroom with a bunch of other students who they’ll never sell a house to than it is to mess up with a real client. Yet, inevitably, the color fades from their faces when I ask someone to volunteer. Fear.

This kind of fear is the same one that causes people not to go for their dreams, call on prospects or ask that special someone to clip your toe nails over wine and yogurt. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Two side of the same ‘fraidy cat coin. No bueno. But shouldn’t we be afraid of some things, oh wise and wonderful Master Tamara-san? Yes, we should be afraid of things that could cause us harm. Earthquakes, taxes, airplanes with one engine, and of course, Martha Stewart, but otherwise, taking moderate risks is, well, moderately risky. But how else will we reach our goals if we don’t face our fears?

We have to ask ourselves when we are afraid of doing something if there is any real danger. And I don’t mean the kind of danger like getting your little girly feelings hurt; I’m talking serious, downhill skiing off a cliff kind of danger. For instance, I know many real estate agents who are afraid to ask for the sale. So let’s analyze this. Will asking for the sale cause any bodily harm? Will it cause any kind of harm, physical or otherwise? No. In fact, not asking for the sale not only makes you a sissy (sorry, Mommy’s getting mean again), it means you won’t get the damn deal. The question I pose for anyone who is letting fear hold them back is: what’s the worst thing that could happen if you took the risk?

In fact, in my real estate class, I will often role play with one of the students in front of the class and have him or her ask me for the sale. Then I will hang up on them. Everyone sits and stares for a minute thinking Professor Dorris is heavily medicated again because she just hung up her imaginary phone on a student. The point I make is that this is the worst thing that will happen to you when you call someone. Knocking on doors? Maybe someone shuts it in your face. But even so, how did that hurt you? It didn’t really…unless you left your hand in way? Only your ego, and your ego is based on fear; in this case, fear of rejection.

As we noted in a previous post (what?! You haven’t memorized ALL my posts? Now bend over for a spanking, bad bear), confidence is key in everything from communications to reaching goals to making a good bowl of oatmeal. And don’t even get me started on over easy eggs. I cannot be the only one who breaks the damn yoke. So, many sales are lost over fear of rejection. It really is sad when you think about it. Now I’m not a big fan of cold calling or door knocking, but that’s because when sales people do that to me, I want to make little voodoo dolls and spray weed killer in their eyes and on their private parts. If you don’t like to be cold called upon, I suggest you don’t cold call upon others.

However, following up, returning calls, asking for the sale or for a date; these are all things that fear of rejection threatens and that really get in the way of success. We want you to be successful right? Because then, you will be very rich and buy me lots of gummy bears. I like the red ones.

Recognizing how your fear stops you can be a liberating experience. Once you realize that nothing bad can happen when you ask for the sale (except possible rejection and a slight case of ring worm), then consider the consequences: If someone says “no,” you are that much more ahead of the game. You won’t waste time working a sale that isn’t going to go anywhere. I have a pretty strict policy in my real estate practice. If buyers don’t write an offer by the second time out (this is assuming I have shown them houses that meet their criteria), then I either drop them, refer them out, or have a come to Jesus talk with them and make them sign a buyer broker agreement and promise me first rights to their second born (the first ones are usually spoiled). And PS, Jesus does not mind at all that I include him in these conversations–we’ve talked.

I can’t remember which motivational speaker said it…I’m thinking Bob Proctor, but it was something like, “If you’re not afraid, you’re not growing.” How brilliant is that? I should have just lied and told you I made it up, but then, you would think I’m even greater and I already know you’ve been googling me. Stop that. It’s true though. Anytime we get stagnant, lazy and too comfy, it’s time for an adrenalin rush of some good old fashion fear. Feel it, deal with it and do the thing that frightens you most and you just might be surprised at how much more confident you become.

Now that I’ve effectively transformed you from a little sissy ‘fraidy cat to a brave, courageous warrior, next week we’ll look at the other issues where our unkempt egos can wreak havoc: in our communications with others. The three culprits, coming up.

Shameless self-promotional part:  Hey, if you’re into personal development, check out my more serious books here. If you like comedy, just wait till this book is released (Spring 2013). Put your email up in the corner box and lets be best friends forever!!!!  PS…check out my Empowered Network opportunity!